What if Hillary gained? A jolly journey down reminiscence lane, alternate-timeline version.


What if Election Day 2016 had gone a bit otherwise? What if a freak snowstorm throughout the Rust Belt had saved rural Trump voters from the polls? What if Russia had learn its psyops information fallacious and pivoted its badets to Snapchat? What if James Comey had taken a more in-depth take a look at these emails in late October and determined, eh, it’s most likely nothing.

What if all of these items occurred?

What if Clinton had gained?

Let’s fake.

In the doldrums of mid-November, pundits swarmed the one related query: Is Bill ever going to maneuver to Washington? The first gent-to-be remained coy, citing the ever-more-complex wants of the Manhattan-based Clinton Foundation.

On Inauguration Day, President Hillary Rodham Clinton took the oath in a scarf and a pantsuit. Hey, it was wet, and what does she care what you badume anymore? That evening, Lin-Manuel Miranda introduced the home down with a freestyle rap at her first inaugural ball, whereas new White House co-chief strategists/toasts of the city Robby Mook and Donna Brazile set Twitter afire with their exuberant choreographed dance.

The following day, dozens descended on the Mall for the “Men’s March.” Three fistfights broke out over who forgot to safe a rally allow.

It all coincided with a serious shake-up at Fox News. The New York Times had taken benefit of post-election information lull to ramp up its investigation of Bill O’Reilly, who was compelled out by early December. Fox then rebuilt its lineup round its new highest-paid star; Megyn Kelly’s two-hour present, which debuted Jan. 23, fillets the brand new president each evening for a record-breaking viewership. Tagline: “Hey, she’s a woman, so you can’t say it’s badist.”

Meanwhile, development started that month on Trump Dacha, a 300-room luxurious resort scheduled to open in Moscow in 2019.

In February, a PricewaterhouseCoopers accountant by chance handed Faye Dunaway a spare best-actress envelope backstage on the Academy Awards, and she or he opened it and declared that “La La Land” had gained Best Picture. But that was okay, as a result of the Hollywood group, smug within the afterglow of a Hillary victory, had really voted for “La La Land,” feeling no impetus to ship a message by boosting a melancholy indie pic a few homobadual African American drug vendor.

The New England Patriots misplaced the Super Bowl, as a result of nobody goes on to win after they’ve fallen that far behind.

Carrie Fisher continues to be alive.

TrumpTV is a rankings bonanza — or “Bannonza,” as Adweek mentioned in its profile of community government Stephen Ok. Bannon. O’Reilly took a job right here, and so did Roger Ailes, wanting more healthy than ever because the November outcomes gave him a brand new rage to stay. Stephen Miller’s “American Carnage” not too long ago surpbaded Hannity in the important thing 24-to-54 demographic. “The Dr. Gorka Show” was renewed for a second season after securing a document variety of catheter advertisers. And “She’s Not a 10,” with host Stacey Dash, eclipsed “Dancing With the Stars” in a season that includes Kellyanne Conway doing the polka in patriotic polkawear with a magnetic Russian named Yuri Activmayzursky, who appeared to come back out of nowhere and sometimes cracks jokes about America on the air.

Trump doesn’t host a present, however he calls in to all of them, at random, a few instances a day, from Scotland or Palm Beach, Fla.

In June, CNN reported that Chelsea Clinton requested permission to stow her double stroller in a West Wing broom closet whereas bringing the youngsters in to see Grandma. Outraged, Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah) — already seeing within the chaos of his celebration a shot on the House speakership — postponed his 12th Benghazi inquiry to probe this potential violation of the Federal Anti-Nepotism Statute. Chastened, Chelsea determined to droop the weekly bipartisan “salons” at her new Kalorama mansion and focus quietly on a $1 billion Clinton Foundation endowment drive.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg is loving retirement. She gave up pushups and planks in favor of crimson wine, Costco taquitos and binge-watching “The Handmaid’s Tale,” regardless of its unusually irrelevant subject material. Her seat stays vacant, although. Confirmation hearings are scheduled to start “when hell freezes over,” mentioned Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell.

But even die-hard Democrats had a tough time paying a lot consideration. The Washington Post laid off 200 journalists due to a harrowing dip in Web visitors. The New York Times started failing for actual and began publishing each different day. (David Brooks’s most up-to-date column: “Nana state: Do grandmothers now have too much power?”) Nobody listens to political podcasts; Jon Favreau & Co. shaped a consulting group referred to as You’re Doing It Wrong LLC.

But Sean Spicer’s scathing marketing campaign tell-all was a runaway bestseller, serving to him safe a marquee contributor gig on MSNBC, which is making an attempt to bolster its flagging rankings with a deliciously gloomy nightly report: “How Bad Would Trump Have Been?”

Anthony Weiner is in jail. He tweets pardon requests at President Clinton throughout laptop time. She has no concept; she blocked him in 2014.

With majorities in each homes of Congress, the Republicans handed 37 health-care-repeal payments. Clinton vetoed each one among them.

Setting off on his personal, Jared Kushner handed up a TrumpTV job to movie Season 1 of “Undercover Landlord” for Bravo, through which he went undercover as a housing inspector. In the pilot, the true property inheritor visited an East Baltimore housing undertaking the place a tenant refused to pay till the owner made easy fixes on the property. Kushner, after pretending to pay attention to all of the property’s deficiencies, revealed his true identification and the present’s catchphrase: “Guess what? Get out.”

President Clinton toured a ­hurricane-devastated Puerto Rico and made bodily contact with the victims within the type of hugs. After scrutinizing images of scars she’d tried to cowl up — believed to be from a routine skin-tag elimination process she had not disclosed to the American public — Infowars conspiracy theorist Alex Jones deduced that Clinton was exhibiting indicators of leprosy and slammed her for bringing micro organism “back to America.” This report coincided with the discharge of Infowars’ patented anti-leprosy snorkel.

By October, there had been three state dinners. Barbra Streisand attended two of them.

Clinton continues to attempt to join with voters by scrutinizing video of her earlier endearing moments and making an attempt to re-create them. She does a sbady shoulder shimmy a minimum of thrice per public occasion now. She attire solely in Suffragette White. Nothing is kind of touchdown, although, as a result of American governance has floor to a halt. Her approval ranking is 42 %.

On Nov. 7, in line with an Old Dominion custom of flipping off the celebration within the White House, Virginia elected Corey Stewart as governor. In a shocker, Corey Lewandowski, having retreated to his native Mbadachusetts, gained a particular election for Congress, portending a GOP tsunami in 2018.

On Nov. eight, an emboldened House of Representatives started proceedings to question Clinton. Articles 1 by three are badociated to Benghazi, her emails and uranium. The fourth article of impeachment begins “she seems a little shrill,” and ends with copy-and-pasted textual content from the Wikipedia entry for “Parkinson’s disease.”

Among most people, essentially the most fervent supporters of Clinton’s elimination aren’t Republicans however a band of far-left activists who wait in line to attend the general public hearings carrying T-shirts that say “Bernie Woulda Won, Too.”

With their political demise imminent (once more), Bill Clinton is already at work on his subsequent post-White House memoir. His working title is “Hill/Bill Elegy.”

With the Resolute Desk stocked with packing containers of chardonnay, the president is secretly organizing notes for her personal ebook. Scrawled on the prime of her authorized pad, in capital letters, underlined thrice, are the phrases “WHAT HAPPENED.”

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