Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I often run into another couple at our favorite watering hole. They are very friendly and seem to like us very much, but they are always absolutely shattered when we see them.
The husband will hold on to something and say it over and over again. The last time we ran into them, he kept telling me to stop crossing my arms because it was a defensive position. He even yelled it from across the room.
I am 62 years old and will cross my arms whenever I please. But more seriously, he made some very specific and direct comments about my boyfriend’s body. Yes, my boy is extremely handsome, but this was completely inappropriate and creepy.
I am so thankful that my boyfriend didn’t hear it, but I did.
How can I turn it off if it happens again?
Back off my friend
Dear Friend: Note to you: people who wear beer glasses generally lack depth perception.
Just because this crazy couple clings to you and seems like they like you a lot doesn’t force you to like them in return.
The best way to respond to a drunk person in a bar is to politely despise them. I’m not suggesting trying to reason with him or engaging in any kind of pun – this will only add fire to his alcohol-fueled feedback loop; It could also enrage him.
The next time these two friendly people pounce on you while you’re plowed and you don’t like it, you could say, “We’ll sit here and have a private chat now. You two be careful when you get home, okay?
Dear Amy: My husband had knee replacement surgery at a Catholic hospital last week.
The first weeks of your physical therapy are done in our home. The first session was today.
Everything went well and when it was time to leave, the therapist asked her if my husband wanted to pray with her. She said this was totally up to him.
He said yes, she said a short prayer and left.
I was stunned. Is this something new?
Many health professionals have seen me and None have they ever asked me to pray with them.
We live in the bible belt so I thought this might have something to do with it.
Your thoughts?
I will pray for myself
Dear, I will pray: My research on this has led me to read a series of studies on the practice of prayer among healthcare workers and patients. Although most seem to reflect attitudes toward patients asking healthcare workers to pray with them, one study reflected a similar situation to her husband.
To quote a 2018 study published by the National Institutes of Health: “Most Americans pray; many pray for his health. However, when hospitalized, do patients want an offering of prayer from a healthcare provider? This project made it possible to measure the responses of hospitalized patients to the masseurs’ offers of a colloquial sentence after a massage.
“After the intervention, 78 patients completed questionnaires that obtained quantitative data. … In this sample, 88 percent accepted the offer of prayer, 85 percent found it helpful, and 51 percent wanted to pray daily. Patients can appreciate prayer, as long as the doctor shows ‘genuine kindness and respect.’
Although it may be unusual, I don’t think it is necessarily unethical for a healthcare provider to offer to pray with a patient, even in the patient’s own home. Doing so could help establish a connection between the therapist and the patient. Prayer can help relax the patient and “focus” his intentions on his own health and recovery.
The offer may also appear to be duress.
How did your husband feel about this practice? You should prepare to respond before your next appointment.
A reminder that this is his treatment, and he can decide how to handle it, regardless of how he feels about it.
Dear Amy: “Curmudgeon in California” he wrote describing a Zoom-based baby shower that included more than 100 people.
For me, what made showering in person tolerable was the food, the treats, the drinks, and playing with the people at your table.
Without that, it’s just something to go through.
Nobody should organize a virtual event with more than 30 people. It is unpleasant and impersonal. Break it up into smaller events!
Reduced
Dear Zoomed-Out: I am still in awe of the sheer number of people that some people meet!
Yes, smaller events are much better, whether they are virtual or real.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.