Ready (for it) or not, Taylor Swift’s popularity has arrived, and with it comes an entire new Taylor — one who’s over 21, thanks very a lot, and has formally graduated from Diet Coke.
The extremely anticipated new album dropped Friday and has acquired typically optimistic discover from critics, notably for its private lyrics; in her B-grade badessment, EW’s Leah Greenblatt observes that Swift’s newest is “half obsessed with grim score-settling and celebrity damage, half infatuated with a lover who takes her away from all that.”
How’s a pop starlet to navigate between these two extremes, you ask? Easy! Swift is aware of there’s just one means to deal with the trials of fame and heighten the heady thrills of a brand new romance — booze, naturally! She spends a lot of popularity (9 of its 15 tracks, to be precise), rattling off the drinks she’s imbibing — and he or she’s getting drunk on one thing a bit stronger than jealousy today.
So slap in your purple lipstick, queue up the brand new Taylor jams, and check out to not spoil your personal popularity after getting hammered like a pop princess.
“I knew it from the first old fashioned, we were cursed” (“Getaway Car”)
Sigh, we’ve all been there, haven’t we? Nothing to do however pour one other, although, proper?
“But you can make me a drink / Dive bar on the east side, where you at?” (“Delicate”)
Once upon a time, Taylor Swift sang about her need to “dress up like hipsters” as if it have been a disguise or a social experiment; on the identical album, she instructed off an ex who would hearken to “some indie record that’s much cooler than mine.” Five years later, she’s hitting up dive bars in Silver Lake, downing craft badtails till she will’t even bear in mind these days by no means occurred.
“Whiskey on ice, Sunset and Vine / You’ve ruined my life by not being mine” (“Gorgeous”)
The important factor to take from this lyric is that it’s best to by no means observe instructions from drunk Taylor, because the intersection of Sunset and Vine in Hollywood is an efficient place to get a pumpkin spice latté or some Chipotle, however it’s best to keep on the east facet if you happen to’re in search of that whiskey on ice. On the opposite hand, now that Taylor has entered the stage of dramatic proclamations about her ruined life, it may not be a nasty thought to sober up with a burrito.
“Touch me and also you’ll by no means be alone / I-Island breeze and lights down low” (“…Ready For It?”)
Oh, an island breeze! Looks prefer it’s time to maneuver from whiskey to rum. How refreshing!
“Drinking on a beach, with you all over me” (“End Game”)
That fruity badtail has gotten you in a tropical temper, so that you’d higher sustain your cross-town westward movement and preserve going till you hit the Pacific. Feel the sand in your toes, savor the drink in your tongue! There can also be, apparently, a lover concerned. But we solely promised that will help you drink like Taylor, in order that half’s on you.
“With all these nights we’re spending / Up on the roof with a schoolgirl crush / Drinking beer out of plastic cups / Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff / Baby, all at once, this is enough” (“King of My Heart”)
As the “Look What You Made Me Do” video very effectively proved, Taylor is a lady who can put on many hats. So we shouldn’t be stunned that whereas, sure, she will lie in a bath filled with diamonds (and one greenback invoice) with out a lot as blinking, she will additionally simply, like, dangle on a rooftop and drink Bud Light out of Solo cups. Not fancy stuff. Not in any respect! Until…
“Jump into the pool from the balcony / Everyone swimming in a champagne sea” (“This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things”)
There’s no consuming like glamorous consuming, and Taylor has now entered territory first explored within the impossibly decadent “Blank Space” music video, this time with a fizzily intoxicating twist. Her voice is stuffed with cash as she remembers “feeling so Gatsby for that whole year.” The books aren’t actual, however the booze is. Drink it up.
“I’m spilling wine in the bathtub / You kiss my face and we’re both drunk” (“Dress”)
That champagne-soaked Gatsby social gathering has Taylor within the temper to wash in alcohol — an impulse we are able to relate to, although not a observe we’d essentially advocate. At this level, although, if you happen to’ve made it dwelling and are sitting in your personal bathtub, who even cares about retaining any semblance of dignity. Follow your coronary heart. Immerse your self in pinot.
“I’ll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year’s Day” (“New Year’s Day”)
Ah, sure, the morning at all times comes, and with it, a reckoning. Time to face the numerous messes — each bodily and private — you made the evening earlier than. A brand new day has begun. It is time to cleanse, to breathe recent clear air, to drink one thing hydrating and healthful (e.g. water). But wait! Is considered one of these bottles… unopened? Does anybody have some orange juice??? Happy New Year, certainly!