"Hi, it's great to be back at Carnegie Hall, despite Lindsey Graham's advice, I honored my citation to be here today," said Stephen Colbert when he took the stage at the annual Carnegie Hall Upfront at CBS.
Like Conan O & # 39; Brien of TBS, Seth Meyers of NBC and especially Jimmy Kimmel of ABC, the performance of Upfront of the presenter of CBS late at night has become an institution.
Colbert mocked the network and the media buyers in the audience, but mostly threw grenades in the general direction of the administration of Trump and his henchmen.
And, of course, Colbert made that comment about the ousted CEO of CBS, Les Moonves, who broke the exchanges on Wednesday night.
"Today it's about their advertisers," Colbert told the media buyers who filled Carnegie Hall.
CBS program for the fall of 2019-20: some diverse movements for the most viewed network, but many familiar faces
"This is your chance to sit down and let us sell you! And because I respect you, we're not going to destroy the program by adding ads. Those things are horrible!
Before his appearance, Colbert said, CBS gave him a "massive document today on the performance of CBS this year" to help him elaborate his comments on stage. He did not have time to read it, he confessed, instead, relying on the four-page summary of Bill Barr.
"It turns out that Les Moonves was totally exonerated! I did not see him coming! "Colbert said as the crowd let out a gasp.
"There had to be one," he smiled mischievously, while social networks got him out of there.
"I can reveal the most important statistics about CBS: We are number 1, baby!"
"It's number 1 for 11 years!" That means that many older people do not realize that television in the basement has been on for a decade, "Colbert said.
Noting the new CBS series of Chuck Lorre and Dick Wolf, Colbert boasted of "when it comes to finding new voices, CBS will take a chance on anyone already on CBS." We're talking about that. Right!
Big Bang Theory, Colbert revealed that he is leaving the air because "each and every one of them is running" in 2020.
"And, until now, everyone is probing ahead of John Hickenlooper" that is "so dark that it's not even a reference in a joke."
CBS is home to some of the best-rated crime dramas on television, the Show late Star remembered the spectators, marking off FBI, Blue Bloods, and you NCIS ' LA through New Orleans. "
"For some reason, these days, Americans really want to see people, who obviously committed crimes, go to jail for them," Colbert added.
As CBS was tied for first place among adults aged 25 to 54, Colbert revealed that he had aged out of that key advertiser demo only two days earlier.
"I want to thank you for all the years you cared about what I saw," he said, adding, "I hope my data will make a difference for the next generation of television viewers … Now I'm going to … well, once again , do not care ".
With Big Bang Theory When leaving the air, CBS has a worrying trend, warned the night program. "We are at the height of a Sheldon," he said, calling for the creation of a Sheldon breeding program in captivity.
"Jim Parsons, we need DNA," Colbert SOS-ed. "Get yourself a bottle of whiskey, a matter of Scientific American, and do your duty, sir."
"Do you all have that image in your head?" Colbert asked media buyers.