NEW YORK — Conan O’Brien had a bone to choose with Stand Up for Heroes when he took the stage on the Theater at Madison Square Garden Tuesday evening. 

“I think the booker was lazy,” the late-night host joked. “He was like, ‘Just get The Daily Show and two Irish guys. Just get a Mulaney and an O’Brien, would not matter. Go to the closest bar, you will be wonderful.'” 

O’Brien was one among a handful of comedians to carry out on the 11th annual profit, which raises cash for injured service members, veterans and their households. This yr’s star-studded lineup included Red Hot Chili Peppers, Big Mouth star John Mulaney, and Daily Show alums Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, John Oliver, Hasan Minhaj and Trevor Noah, who stored the political jokes to a minimal for the group of army personnel. 

But that is to not say the comics did not get of their justifiable share of jokes about Donald Trump and embattled Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein. Here are the perfect: 

1. “What I don’t understand is that 10 to 15% of Obama voters voted for Trump. How does that happen? ‘You know who I really want to vote for?’ That very professorial gentleman from Kenyan birth — that’s the guy I really love. But since he’s not running this year, I’m going to check out the “seize ’em by the (expletive)” candidate. That seems like a very natural evolution.’ ” – Stewart 

2. “How do you even get there? It’s like a guy who’s like, ‘Yeah, it didn’t work out with my girlfriend, so now I’m going out with a toaster. I stick my (expletive) in it.’ I think that’s where our country’s at right now: We all put our (expletive) in the toaster.” – Stewart

three. “Here’s what’s crazy: The president is like, ‘Hey man, there are neo-Nazis marching on Charlottesville. There are two sides to this.’ And I was like, ‘Yeah, I think it’s called the Allied powers and the Axis powers.’ Pretty sure we used to be with the Allied Powers.” – Stewart

four. “When you’re looking at a group of guys marching, and you’re thinking, ‘These are either Nazis or they’re filming a Dockers commercial’ — you’re not as worried about it. But they’re chanting, ‘Jews will not replace us.’ And I’m like, ‘Yeah, man. Pretty easy to say in August, but wait until Christmas time and you need someone to fill in your shift at Pizzeria Uno.’ Then all of a sudden it’s, ‘Hey Abraham …'” – Stewart

5. “Falling in love with America right now is like falling in love with a girl who’s throwing up all over herself. Just holding her hair back saying, ‘Shh, let it all out. You just made a mistake, that’s all. You can’t repeat this mistake, otherwise you become less sympathetic.'” – Oliver

6. “The only thing that perked (Chicago Cubs fans) up was Barack Obama came back. People were like, ‘Barack Obama is back making speeches!’ And I was like, ‘Yeah, sentences, wow!’ It was mind-blowing.” – Noah

7. “I don’t know how to feel about Donald Trump. On the one hand, I do wake up most days terrified that he’s the president of the most powerful nation in the world, and on the other, I do wake up knowing he is going to make me laugh. There is terror and there is joy. You know what it feels like? There’s a giant asteroid headed towards the Earth, but it’s shaped like a penis.” – Noah

eight. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Donald Trump quit after two years. He’d just walk out of the White House like, ‘Unlike most presidents, I did it in half the time, folks. So much faster!'” – Noah

9. “(Trump) fired the director of the FBI, a decision I agree with. I just think, if you can fire someone that’s investigating you, fire them. If I could fire someone who’s investigating me, I’d be at the DUI checkpoint, the cop would pull up like, ‘Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?’ ‘To get your (expletive) fired!’ ” – Noah

10. In a film about New York, “Harvey Weinstein will be played by the Mucinex monster. The Mucinex monster is offended. ‘How dare you!’ ” – O’Brien

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