Illinois lawmaker calls for Grand Theft Auto after spate of vehicle thefts


Illustration for the article titled A series of recent vehicle thefts has prompted an Illinois state representative to call for a Grand Theft Auto ban

Photo: LEON NEAL (fake images)

Lord, I come before you tonight to ask you to grant me the strength you gave Jamie Foxx when he finished. The entire career of Doug Williams. Apparently I woke up today in 2006 because a series of recent vehicle thefts has prompted an Illinois state legislator to ask Grand Theft Auto Be banned.

According to ABC 7, Democratic State Representative Marcus Evans has blamed These auto thefts are not due to growing inequality, a historical lack of jobs and industry in predominantly black communities, or even the economic recession that has occurred as a result of the pandemic.

No. It’s the fault of a franchise that hasn’t even seen a new entry in almost 8 years.

Yes, that makes sense.

Grand Theft Auto and other violent video games are getting into the minds of our young people and perpetuating the normality of auto theft, “Evans told ABC 7.” Auto theft is not normal and auto theft must stop. “

First fuck of all: Nigga, you’re late. Grand theft auto v is the best-selling game of the last decade, with a estimated 130 million copies at homes of people from all over the country. It won’t stop anyone from playing this game who doesn’t already have it.

Second, fuck everything: Tell me Marcus, how are you going to ban the game? You know what? Let me entertain this stupid idea for a second. Say they are successful and get the game off the store shelves in Illinois. What are you going to do with digital sales?

Are you telling me that the state of Illinois is willing to spend time, money, and technical know-how to block the game off the PlayStation Network, Xbox Live, Epic Games, and the Rockstar Store? I have worked for the state government and I know very well that those asses that use Windows XP are not made for this life.

Third, fuck everything: Don’t you have more important things to do? We are in the middle of a pandemic, with a vaccine launch that has been garbage. Even when this finally ends, we will have economic and, most likely, psychological consequences that we will have to address.

A better use of Evans’s time would be to create recovery plans that ensure downtown Chicago is not left out of the process, or address the underlying conditions that make people desperate enough to commit crime.

Instead, he stops with a few reheated shots on something he clearly knows nothing about. It’s stupid, a waste of everyone’s time, and as a black man, Evans should know better by now.

So, in conclusion, someone come find your men.

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