We feel compelled to express our concern about his health. We know how it is involved, it can bring big change.
We both feel that a counselor would benefit from seeing him to face life issues that could eat him. Can you please suggest a way to phrase it? We love him and want him to live a long and healthy life.
Scored for SISTER-IN-LAW
Dear Scan: Your sister-in-law is well aware that she is dangerously heavy, so this is a topic that you can only address once without creating a rift in the family. This message may be better accepted if it came from his brother, and should be published as follows:
“I hope you know how much I love you. My wife and I are very concerned about your weight because we are afraid that we might lose you. If there are issues that have led to this, would you consider talking to a counselor about them?
“If your doctor cannot refer you to a qualified person, we can ask us for some names. And if what I have said is sad, I sincerely apologize and hope that you will forgive me. I will not bring up this subject again. ”
Dear Abby: My older sister, “Olive” moved to the West Coast three years ago. My parents, my two older siblings and I live on the East Coast.
During this past year, Olive has become more and more distant from us. That is always an excuse when we try to set up a group FaceTime or even a phone call. This has happened dozens of times now.
Recently, our extended family established a zoom call with about 30 of us. Everyone was able to make at least part of it, including all of my cousins and aunts and uncles. However, Olive said she would be “next time” because she needed to do some mulberry around her house and wanted to limit her screen time.
My parents, siblings and I have spoken directly with each one about how it is sad and painful to fly us, yet he continues to do so. At this point, everyone is fed up, especially Mom, who gets hanged twice while trying to overcome these problems with Olive. What else can we do? We can’t seem to get through.
Dear Brother: Do you know why your sister went to the West Coast? Was it job related, or could it be that she needed space and didn’t think she could do it if she lived geographically close? Because his return has become so much in the last one year, it is important that one understands what he is driving.
A relative other than your mother (who was hanged twice) who is close to Olive should call and, in as gentle a manner as possible, explain to the family that she is worried about him and ask if anything is wrong. You can help. He may have a difficult time emotionally, or he may just crave some space. But you won’t know until someone gets a straight answer.Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby Contact www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.