Dear Abby: Criticism of women's funeral attire causes a break in the family



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DEAR ABBY: My father died recently. I wanted to make sure she was dressed appropriately for her funeral, so I bought the most conservative outfit I could find. When I arrived at the service, I was surprised by what my sister-in-law was wearing. I told him I did not think his dress was appropriate for the occasion. It was tight and everything fits. I told him that what he was wearing looked like something used in a badtail party.

Once the words came out of my mouth, I knew I should not have said anything. I immediately apologized and said that it looked great with the dress, which was flattering and quite bady. My brother called the next day. He was furious and said he had chosen it.

I feel that at a funeral the dress should be like the one you would wear at church or at a business meeting. I can be wrong. I know you should have kept my opinion and I regret the comment I made. Should I let time heal this? She and my brother are extremely upset. – DO NOT SAY TO THE DRESS

DEAR SAYS NO: When people are grieving, they sometimes make comments that they would not otherwise make. Apologize to both for their lack of consideration and insensitivity, and I hope they forgive you.

Many years ago, I attended the funeral of a friend of about 30 who had died in a tragic accident. The mother of "John" was friendly with mine, and we went to support her. John's fiancee, "Linda," was someone she also knew. When she appeared wearing a mini orange dress, her mother was horrified. She told me that she thought it was very disrespectful. When I later asked Linda why she had chosen that particular dress, her response made me want to cry. She said she had used it because it was John's favorite dress, and he loved seeing it in him. I learned a lesson that day: the attire of someone at a funeral is much less important than what is in the heart of the person.

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DEAR ABBY: I am an avid reader. Every time I find an interesting article or story that I think someone will enjoy, I delete the article or copy the link and send it to that person. My problem is that I do not think they have ever read what I sent them.

When I mention it during an informal conversation because I think it would be good to discuss, I find that the person has not read it and says: "Oh, yes, I am going to read it", but I do not. I think they ever do it. Is sharing aggressive? Do people read more? Should I stop sending articles and stories? – PASS IT IN NEW YORK

DEAR PASSING: You may be exaggerating in your desire to share. If someone tells you twice that you could not read what you sent, stop.

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DEAR ABBY: The graduation is fast approaching, and the pressure is on. I am doing well in school, but work and school are exhausting all my energy. How can I not be so tired? I can not stop working, and I definitely need school and college. Can you give me some advice to manage time and not be so tired? – TIRED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR TIRED: Recognize that you are running a kind of marathon. Establish an iron schedule that allows you to get the rest you need and not deviate from it. I'm not saying it will be fun, but it will help you achieve it and allow you to reach your goal without getting sick.

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The beloved Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby on www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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