The number of people who allegedly removed his name from the search for Auburn’s next football coach now exceeds CDC guidelines for indoor ceremonies.
And also the population of Rimlap, Alabama.
Auburn Football Coaching’s down-home tomeful reads a bit backwards compared to last week such as the Faulkner-esque word soup containing blackberry chandrasan that they cut with pine sap and the oposim pear behind the family sawmill . In other words, Auburn is very common for football.
People, just let Alan Green do his work. Why is this so difficult?
Green is Auburn’s athletics director, and I feel bad for him. Not only is he tackling the rich boy hunting-club drama of a messy Auburn football coaching quest, but his alma mater, Notre Dame, is about to entertain the doubles quarterback in the College Football Playoff semifinals about the Alabama Football Crimson Tide . Before reminding everyone that under the current system a dishonest joke has become the postseason of college football.
People have been fascinated by the distinctive and harebrained Lee County sag that the Auburn Football Boosters and Board of Trustees shenanigans have been entertaining for the past few days in a way that affects the Southern culture on reality TV skids. It is the intrigue of the palace in a barn decorated with so many Christmas lights, it can be seen from the upper reaches of the Earth’s atmosphere.
For everyone else, it is really painful and we just want the family to finish it as soon as possible.
Please, just stop it. It is scaring children.
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Is it time for the governor to intervene, or is she just helplessly shaking her head and rolling her eyes with the rest of the people? Theoretically, under the state law of Alabama, the government. Ivey is chairman of the Auburn University Board of Trustees. He is also an Auburn grad.
Here’s the deal with Auburn, though. When it comes to football, the people who are considered in charge are clearly not in charge. Like politics, people writing checks are calling the shots. However, you don’t win the game of football, and if you want to give him a chance to succeed, that’s not how you hire a coach.
The good news is this. At this point, it is also wrong to suggest that Auburn’s coaching search is a failed disaster because none of it matters if the search committee can, in the end, correct it. They are making it so hard on themselves, though.
After nine days of firing on Gus Malzan, Auburn University is a nationwide joke, and the football search seems to be the place it can’t go, exactly, under any circumstances: a swamp of desperation.
Desperate people do irrational things such as giving Malzahon a prearranged purchase, or even worse, Agni Malzhan only offering to give an equally absurd contract to someone like Len Kiffin.
Everyone associated with the Auburn coaching search has reportedly used that news for some kind of personal gain whether it is salary increases or just a little name recognition. Do not believe anything you have read or heard though. People do not close a gig in the SEC to stay in the Sun Belt or Conference USA. We are talking about generational wealth here.
And I don’t mean that as a minor. “Fun Belt” and “C-UAB.”
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Auburn’s silly dance has been noisy and all over the internet, but the practice is not completely useless. An argument can be made that it has also achieved some degree of accidental success.
Fans rebelling over interim coach Kevin Steele should probably not be overlooked by the administration as being the prime candidate, even though Steele remains at Auburn as coordinator or head coach. Auburn needs to change things before making a competitive leap from good to great.
Perhaps it needs to be this way so that Auburn can find out how it got there in the first place. One can expect to own their rivalry against Alabama and Georgia if they cannot make a proper coaching search.
The best owners in professional sports write checks and get out of the way. They know to do this because they are trying to run really successful businesses that need to make money to pay players. The Holt family did not tell Greg Popovich how to drive the San Antonio Spurs. Clarke Hunt is not directing Andy Reid who hires as his defensive line coach.
When Alabama hired Nick Saban, Rich Rodriguez did so after leaving the job. It was embarrassing for an inconvenient amount (about a month). The boosters and trustees of Alabama understood when they kept Saban away from the Dolphins that no one was going to tell them what he would do because he would just leave.
Now Saban runs Alabama better than any NFL franchise, and he hints at five or six future first draft picks each year. Auburn football is currently being run like a play for wealthy donors, who obviously don’t care how long they light on fire until their egos are heated.
It is so easy. It is not complicated.
Auburn has the potential to be a perennial top 5 college football program in the country with the right coaches, but its boosters (the actual owners of college teams) are holding it back. Write the check and get out of the way, the boys, or the wave of Texas A&M as it passes the path of the SEC West Peking Order.
The right coach at Auburn can win and win big. Please, let Green and the search committee do the work.
So far, this has not been a coaching discovery, as it has been an indictment and exposure to the methods behind Auburn. Ask yourself this: Would it matter if all the people who are always handcuffed and beat the Malkah continue to work?
The cycle of laxity for Auburn football has to end with Atlanta being little more than a keen Southern oddity on the championship drive.
Joseph Goodman is a columnist For the Alabama Media Group. He is on twitter @JoeGoodmanJr.